THBart's Weblog

What a difference a year makes!

thbart — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 03:03:44 +0000

Wow, what a difference a year makes!!!!! This time last year I was working on my 11^th anniversary at AT&T as a Sr. Financial Analyst. While I was still performing my job at a high level, I still longed to do something else, something related to art. My job, while challenging at times, came rather easy and I often found myself either bored because it was the same type of routine or unmotivated because I knew I wanted to do something different. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t slack, because I was brought up to do the best job you can, regardless of the circumstances, but when your heart ain’t in it, your heart just aint’ in it and there’s no way of sugar coating it come Sunday afternoon when you know you have to go to work the next day, but you just aren’t feelin it. It was round this time in 07 that my wife and I decided to completely flip the script and break away from Corporate America 100%. Since my wife has been self employed for the the past 15 years, we had been looking at ways for me to make the same move, but ONLY if it was in a field that a) I enjoyed and b) that made money…. not exactly in that order. So here it is, September 2008, and my wife and I have opened a Custom Framing store in our adopted city of Durham. Although it took a full year of planning, saving and more planning we did it and are starting week 2 of being free of our W-2s!!!!!! I walked away from so called “job security” and joined the ranks of franchise owners, with our store Fastframe. If you have some time, you can check out our website at www.fastframe.com.

I can honestly say that I have never been as happy to go to work every day. Yes, I’m working 6 days a week rather then 5, and longer hours, but you know what? I’m working for myself, and by example, showing my kids that you can be unconventional in your methods to strive and survive in the world. Don’t get me wrong, AT&T was very good to me, and I loved the many jobs I held, friends I made and the challenges I faced, but nothing and I mean nothing compares to working for yourself. Plotting your own course and creating your own destiny! My wife and I always wanted to stress to our kids that you can be and do anything you want but leading by example is it’s best reward, expecially when I hear my kids refer to our latest endevor as “our store.”

I Need to be an Artist

thbart — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 18:20:46 +0000

After my art show in June, I figured I’d reward myself with a few weeks off from painting to recharge my batteries then hit the studio to work on some new ideas and experiment with a few new styles of painting I’ve been wanting to try. I figured the time off would give me a break from all the long hours I put in leading up to my show and allow me to think about the direction I wanted to go with my artwork. Well, due to family visits, travel plans with the family and other last minute things to do, a few weeks turned into 2 months!!! Around the half way point of not being active in the studio I could see a distinct difference in my attitude, I guess “difficult” would be a watered down description of how I interacted with those around me. Trying to ignore it, I dealt with the other obligations but by week 6, my irritable and moodiness was taking their toll, personally and professionally. It was then that I accepted my fate and admit out loud what I’ve known for many years, that for me, being an artist is more of a NEED then a WANT!! It’s one thing to say I want to be an artist, well because I like to paint, but it’s entirely a different thing to say I need to paint, in order to find balance and keep me from losing my mind!!!!! I realize that I need to have some sort of creative outlet that allows me to express myself and emotions that I would otherwise keep to myself, causing a lot of pent up energy and anger. But I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I may have an addiction to painting or the creative process that I express through painting. In my own mind I don’t want to be perceived as having a dependency on anyone or anything, but after thinking back through the years, focusing on specific stretches of time – months, and even years (2 years was the longest that I’ve ever gone without painting or drawing) when I put my paints away and pushed my creativity to the side for whatever reason, I engaged in a lot of self-destructive behavior. As out of control and ugly as some of my actions may have been during those times, I didn’t see it as such since I was walking through it, but I was in denial then. I guess when I had had enough I was driven back to the creative process of making art and I was able to focus my energies elsewhere, until I turned my back on it again, with this cycle repeating itself for about 6 years. Looking back I realize, for me, art is more then just a creative process, it is an intricate part of the who I am, a steady constant in the depths of my soul, not judging me by words or actions, but waiting for me to embrace it and acknowledge the fact that, on many levels that I haven’t been able to comprehend yet, I need to be an artist.

Control Freak

thbart — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 03:08:30 +0000

For me being precise is the easy part. Having taken several drafting classes in high school – because I liked it, not for the easy credit – creating detailed renderings of houses to scale and spending countless hours trying to draw everything exactly as I saw it, “losing myself” has always been a challenge. Watching and learning from a father who was a draftsman for a train company years ago, and having an eye and the patience to want to replicate the smallest of details no matter how long it took, I’ve always struggled to let myself go and lose control. Erase it and draw it again. When I couldn’t erase anymore, I’d tear it up and start over determined to get the details “just right.” Of course over the years I’ve learned that no painting is ever “just right” and if given the chance, I’d probably go back and “fix” every painting I’ve ever done. At some point you have to learn to let go, but that’s another story. I’ve always been envious of abstract painters, not all, but those whose work was loose enough to be what I consider“free”. For me it’s harder to be free and let the viewer’s mind work then it is for me to complete it myself. I can look as some abstract work, see something different each time, and even walk away with a different emotion depending on my mood. Over the years tried different things to loose up my paintings, but it seems now matter how I started out, if I held that brush long enough, I would start to focus on one tiny area, making sure this part, right HERE was just the way it should be rather then focus on the overall feel of the piece. While I am able to recognize it and try to stop myself when I get to concerned about details before I get lost, I still struggle with it from time to time. Breathing and focusing on the “artless art” is now my main goal whether I’m working on a more abstract or detailed painting.

THBart’s Weblog

thbart — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:53:32 +0000

Thbart’s Weblog

Why I Do What I Do

thbart — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 14:40:03 +0000

Lately I’ve been wondering why for the past few years that I have been borderline obsessive about establishing a career as an artist at the age of thirty-and dem sum. Cultivated from praise my family gave me for god-knows-what colored scribble I managed to put to paper, I would run to them with my latest undecipherable creation for the sole purpose of getting more compliments. By accident I discovered I could use art as a means of controlling my temper – harnessing my emotions and taking it out on paper, and I actually learned to appreciate what others saw as a gift – and art became my therapy and outlet that I used to please self. My first love – drawing and painting became my escape from the growing pains of a not so confident shy teenager to the pressures every young black male wrestles with during his transition to manhood. Now my drawing/experimenting/painting starts from the time my kids go to sleep until to the wee hours of the morning, makin’ it happen on a few hours sleep cause I have to pay the bills at a regular gig – for now. The balancing act of being a husband and father, while still chasing my dream isn’t the easiest road I’ve been on, but sometimes I seem to have a healthy appetite for doing things the hard way. So what drives you to do what you do? Has the path been easy or led you down avenues you never expected? Money and fame may be your motivation (I’ll take the cash – I’ll leave fame to someone else) or if material indulgence isn’t your thing maybe you do what you do for self gratification. For me, fear of success kept me paralyzed much throughout my 20s – because with success comes greater responsibility. But larger than that, what troubled my soul the most was growing old and each day celebrating my wasted talent in unpleasant company of regret, anger, and disappointment in myself. So I do what I do to keep me sane, and to keep alive the dream a small boy first whispered in only the company of a pencil and a blank piece of paper.